im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
