why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
