dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
