Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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