Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
