I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
