My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
