the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
