do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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