youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
