Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
