You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
