the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
