I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
