i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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