Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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