oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
