That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
