i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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