you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
