Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
