I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
