And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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