All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drunk is a universal language darling
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
