Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
