i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
