god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
