I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
