upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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