Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
