pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I know her cup size but not her name....
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