I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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