Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
