I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
