Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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