I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
