Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
