Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
