He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
