i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
