I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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