1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
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