please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
