im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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