I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
