p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
