There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There was a lot of him and a little penis
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
