now i know why i became what i already was.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize