OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
