I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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