oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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