Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
