what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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