yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
