Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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