I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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