so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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