You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize