there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
