It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
