i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
