and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
