Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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