you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
