You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
